Doctor Daniel Doolittle Morgana
by amberfly
Summary: Daniel has a hankering for unusual pets that leaves Jack gasping. Part 1 of series written for the Stargate KidDrabble group.
1. Chapter 1

Author: Amberfly

Series: Daniel Doolittle

Title: There's a Catch 01/04

Category: General

Warnings: None

Feedback" Yes, Please.

"Teal'c has given me the money, and I have found a store that sells them!"

"Puppy?"

"No! Tarantulas! Silly Daddy!"

Daniel had his lap top open; his fact sheets close to his busy little fingers, while Jack had his bottle of pain relief close to his heart.

Narrowing his eyes, Daniel Jackson, eight year old son of Colonel Jonathan O'Neill, pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose, and fixed his jittery parent with a withering glare.

"Jack! Listen now, pay attention to me! This is all very important information. We need to know what we are doing when Teal'c comes over! Today is the big day!"

And with this stern warning given, Daniel began to lecture his disbelieving father on the caring and sharing of the fascinating art of.... spider care. Taking a deep breath, the small boy with the freckled face and shaggy bangs started making his daddy's dreadfully dire day.

"The Pink-toed Tarantula," he said a little pompously, using his his most professional voice," as an arboreal species, are very agile and active."

"Arboreal? That means it can kill me?"

Daniel looked at Jack's red face, and kindly offered to get him another glass of water. Jack nodded while gagging some more. Running back into the den, spilling more water than he'd have liked, Danny sighed at his new clumsiness and taking another deep breath, continued with his fascinating lecture. Oblivious to Jack's wild eyed look.

"They are quite docile," he added while nudging Jack in the ribs with his pointy elbow to see if he was still alive. "So, if not handled roughly or pinned with their fangs near your skin, the tarantula will not bite you." Danny sighed, and finished with triumph on his face, dusting his hands together with satisfaction of a lecture well delivered.

"Easy, peasy. Japanesee!"

"Just kill me now? Okay? Save me the suffering of being bitten by a spider with athletic tendencies!"

Daniel wondered why Jack reeled at the bite part he thought he'd blithely explained as a nothing. _What's wrong_? He wondered, drinking the last of Jack's water, _was it something I said?_

Feeling a tiny bit unsure whether Jack was feeling all that well, but deciding that he probably was, Doctor Doolittle decided to continue.

"Listen to me!" he ordered, snapping his tiny fingers, "tarantulas tend to be a nervous and narky when over handled."

Thrilled to within an inch of his life at the thought of a narky spider, Daniel Doolittle whispered dramatically into Jack's ear. "This is the real interesting stuff now, listen up Daddy."

Coughing rather pompously, and clearing his throat, Daniel talked a little too loudly. "Tarantulas are prone to jumping from hand to hand, hand to shoulder, or in extreme cases, from hand to floor."

"Isn't that cool," he breathed, "they can jump clear across a room." Totally oblivious to the cringing wreck of man in front of him, he added as an after thought, "Best you use great care, Jack, when you clean his aquarium!"

Jack's contribution to this comment was the inhaling of several more Tylenols, now without the benefit of water or alcohol. "Me? Aquarium? Jumping spiders? Are you nuts?"

With an offended sniff, Daniel closed his laptop, jumped to the ground and stalked away.

"Teal'c is here! Ready?"

"No."

~O~

Jack hated spiders with a passion. He always did, and always would hate creepy crawlies. He rolled his eyes at Danny's huffy departure, and struggled to find that will to live. He shivered as he relieved the hideous conversation, and wondered if he could ask Teal'c to just kill him and sell his body parts.

Shaking his head and rubbing his eyes as Teal'c walked in, nodding graciously, he decided that it was no more than he deserved. "I just was not on top of my game with this," he sighed, "I didn't see this coming."

Getting out of his chair weak kneed, he muttered to glossy philodendron to the left of him, "Little fart did it again! He caught me napping! I have only myself to blame! And Teal'c, that Jaffa moneybags!" The previous Sunday had sealed his fate, and Jack couldn't believe he'd been so slow witted.

He'd read somewhere that people who had pets visited the doctor less often, and considering Daniel's track record, he thought this was just the ticket. Talking to Teal'c over their traditional Sunday bottle of pop, he'd casually mentioned the article, and thinking no more of it, wandered off to play catch with Daniel.

Upon returning with no balls left to throw, Daniel having lost them all, Jack asked Teal'c what he was planning. The drumming of Jaffa fingers on the picnic table a hint that all was not well with him. Teal'c arched his trade mark eyebrow, and when Danny raced over, with an ancient dog ball in his hand, Teal'c made his play. Jack was too busy eating the last hotdog and couldn't swallow quick enough to raise an objection.

"If I were to purchase you a pet, DanielJacksom, what would you select?"

"Wha?" Bits of hot dog sprayed all over the table.

Danny flicked it onto the grass with a giggle, and tapped his finger on his chin before blurting out the one word guaranteed to make Jack faint.

"Tarantula!"

Teal'c then nodded, waved Jack's objections away, promising to help him acquire the arachnid.

"What? No? Hey? Gimme that!" Jack snorted pop through his nose as Teal'c handed over a crisp one hundred dollar bill.

"O'Neill! You are covering us both in your food. Desist immediately."

"Are you nuts???"

Come Monday, Jack had naively thought, when driving to the pet shop, that they would buy a Labrador puppy, all cuteness and cuddles. Or maybe, he chattered to the oddly quiet Daniel, an English Springer spaniel, all elegance and beauty. But not, in a million years did Jack ever think his child would actually select a pink toed hairy tarantula.

But he did.

Jack was more than livid, he was murderous. _Hell_, he thought nastily, as he crunched the gears of his Explorer, _I should have killed that pet shop moron_. Throwing a sour look a Teal'c sitting quietly next to him, he muttered "Yep, one thrust under the ribcage, and no-one would have been any the wiser."

"Should you not be watching the road, O'Neill?"

"How could you? My best friend! How could you!" Jack shook his head at the terrible pet shop visit.

Daniel, an excited little soon to be pet owner, had raced off with Teal'c, hand in hand and listened intently to Luigi, owner of the Pet Shop Emporium outlined the hideous dietary requirements of a pink toed tarantula. His soon to be new pet. Jack stood behind them both while pointing and stared pitifully at the puppies and gold fish. Luigi had taken the hint that not everyone was quite as excited by the new purchase and had waved over his assistant to ring up the deal.

"Dona forget to charge for the extras and donna maka eye contact with the papa!"

Jack stared at the nose ring studded teen at the checkout and muttered his last objection. "There will be dire consequences for this days work, dire consequences." She blew an enormous bubble and asked for another fifteen dollars, for the aquarium.

TBC…

~o~

Part 2

Despite all his objections and cuddling of squirming puppies, Jack lost and Daniel won. The spider now named Morgana was officially an O'Neill, and sat pride of place next to Daniel's car seat.

"Can't take it for a walk."

"Morgana can come out to keep us company when I get home from school!"

"Not in this universe, buddy."

Talked into taking the hideous spider to show Sam and Siler, Daniel had waited patiently for Jack to park the truck, and tumbled out quickly, thanking him politely for helping him down.

"Thank you, Jack, even though you were mean to Luigi and made him run away."

Carefully leaning back into the truck, Danny then grabbed the little cage housing his hairy legged friend, and hurried off to find Sam.

"Com'on, Teal'c, Sam will be so excited!"

"Wanna bet?" Jack followed at a more sedate pace ten steps behind, muttering and gnashing his teeth, fully expecting to be killed by a jumping narky spider.

Finally finding Sam's office, Daniel had to batter Jack's larger hand away and huffing his objections. "Jack! I told you twice already that the cage is secured," He fidgeted excitedly and plopped down next to Sam, his face breaking into a wide grin.

"Guess what I've gotted, Sam!"

"Oh, let me see? A hippopotamus?"

"Silly Sam! My new spider! I'm a daddy!"

Adopting a serious look on his face, he took Sam's hand gravely, having had to again assure Jack that the cage was okay. Shifting his bottom closer and with great maturity, he discussed his preferred parenting style. He explained that he fully understood that being a parent was a very important job, and that he would be the best spider daddy ever.

"Like Jack," he said sweetly, and looking at his scowling parent with adoration, lisped, "I'll be so cool."

Sam, struggling in vain to keep a straight face, refusing to be intimated by the colonel behind her, nodded sagely and promised also to be the best ever spider auntie.

"You will be an excellent spider daddy, darling," she said, "but sorry, honey, I have to go to find Professor Felgar." And turning gracefully she blew a kiss to Daniel and looking into the cage, giggled nervously. "Tarantula, huh?"

The next person on Daniel's list to be told of his excellent pet was General Hammond.

And this - Danny saved till last.

He just knew that General Hammond would be very impressed.

"Generals love spiders," said Daniel knowingly to his head scratching, shoulder shrugging, parent. He had, however, no proof of this sweeping statement, but he knew anyway.

Swinging on Jack's hand happily and apologizing every time the cage bumped his hand, he thought that this was the best day ever.

Jack, on the other hand, kept his eyes clued to the flimsy cage.

O'Neill trailed miserably after Daniel. The last ten minutes were spent quizzing him for any name of the spiders' natural enemy.

Daniel couldn't think of one, and he sighed for the hundredth time.

Daniel on the other hand was elated, and with his neatly written notes clutched tightly in his hand, skipped into the General's office. Anxious to discuss the many pros and few cons of the phenomena known as spider poop.

"Sir, are you concentrating?" Daniel asked firmly, and happy with the amused nod he received, prattled away cheerfully. "Pink toed tarantulas, like Morgana, will jump, so you hafta take care when handling them!" The look of a spider zealot, Danny paused for right effect, his blue eyes shiny and twinkling.

"Is that so, Doctor Jackson," murmured the patient and highly indulgent grandfather of two.

General Hammond tapped the cage and looked into Daniel's eyes. He was assured that Morgana, who lay on her back with her hairy little legs in the air, was resting, and not dead. George smiled once more and added, "Jack will be pleased to know that, I am sure."

"Wanna bet?"

Standing up, unaware of Jack lurking behind the door, Danny moved closer to the General, so he didn't have to say this next piece of news out loud. He whispered behind his hand covertly, "Pink toes are also fond of shooting a small spray of fecal matter as a defense thingamajig. Isn't that cool, sir? Morgana is her own stink bomb!"

This information, especially the ' fecal matter', was to Daniel - pure gold.

This information, especially the ' fecal matter', was to Jack - horrendous.

Bidding the chuckling General Hammond goodbye, Danny dragged Jack off to find Siler.

"Com'on!"

"What's the hurry? What's that poor man ever done to you?"

Jack looked sideways at the cage with the spider still languishing, and trudged wearily down the hallway. He stared at Morgana, resplendent with her pretty pink toes, and swore under his breath. "I'll get you my pretty, just wait, and your little dog too!"

Scooping up his small boy, and jiggling him on his hip, Jack made a final last ditch plea to ask Daniel to return the comatose spider and buy a piranha. He turned Daniel's fanatical, wide eyed little face towards him, and said grimly "Don't make me beg, kiddo, I hate spiders."

Daniel, giggling and happy as a lark, said breezily, "Don't squish the cage, Jack, you'll wake up Morgana and then she'll bite you."

"What? Thought you said the cage was locked?" Jack instantly put Daniel on the ground and squinted into the five dollar fifty cage and closed his eyes,

"Daniel, why is the cage empty?"

"Jack! Look out! Morgana is on your…"

"Arrgghh!"

The End.


	2. Chapter 2

Author: Amber fly

Series: Doctor Daniel Doolittle.

Title: Ants in Your Pants 03/

Warnings: None

Feedback: Yes Please.

"_I speak over two thousand languages, including Dodo and Unicorn. I had a classical education".... Polynesia._

The spider debacle of the previous day had been exhausting.

Daniel had forgiven Jack. Jack knew he was still being eyed him warily, but only hearing the occasional huff, figured all was well.

Daniel was an early riser, subscribing to Benjamin Franklins edict," _Early to_ _bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise_." Devouring his Captain Crunch sugar hit, Jack scooped up the escaped cereal balls and told Daniel to watch his show quietly.

"Danny, I want to read my paper and drink my coffee in peace? So, you behave and we'll discuss what to do today a bit later."

"Okay, what can I watch? Can I watch one of your movies?"

"No."

Neck sporting a bright orange child band-aid and a bruise on his forehead, Jack sunk into his favorite leather armchair, delicately plucked the morning paper up with his elegant fingers, crossed his long legs and tried to make himself…. _invisible_.

Truly the epitome of wishful thinking.

The morning cartoons weren't Daniel's favorites, and trailing out of the kitchen, milk moustache covering his top lip, he called out he was bored, thirsty, and hungry.

A picture of serenity, Jack rustled his paper with interest as he turned one page onto the next. "What?"

Danny ran into the den, and catapulted himself lovingly in the middle of Jack's lap, demanding to see the extent of his life threatening injuries. "Hey, can I see Morgana's fang marks?"

With the accuracy of an Ace fighter pilot, Danny took out both the morning paper and capsized Jack's cherished cup of _Jamaican double roasted_ blend coffee. The scalding liquid missed Danny, but spilled into the bruised and fanged colonel's … extremely delicate part of his anatomy.

Startled, scalded, and with tears rapidly forming, Jack leapt up and jumped around frantically, desperate to relieve the newest agony he suffered. Daniel was instantly dumped onto his ass, giggling and clapping his hands at the wonderful antics of his parent.

"_Ole_," he cried, and skillfully _cha-cha-cha-ed_ along with Jack.

_Step – for - agonizing - step_.

"Give me strength," muttered Jack through gritted teeth, and turning to fix the object of his torment with a steely glare, did a u-turn in the air with his finger and mouthed, "_OUT_."

"Oh-well," snorted Daniel, "no real harm done." Daniel rarely if ever seemed to take offence at Jack's crankier morning side, and dancing the _cha-cha-cha_- out the door called over his shoulder, "What a _cool_ band-aid!"

Collapsing back into his dampish leather chair, coffee drenched and now paperless, Colonel Jonathan O'Neill watched open mouthed as his little friend elegantly exited the lounge room.

"Little fart! I'll cool band aid your rosy ass!" And sighing, he rolled his eyes towards heaven thinking calmer thoughts.

Jack then dragged his eyes towards the morning carnage, and studied the coffee stained rug. "Why me?" He binned the trashed morning paper, while whispering conspiratorially to the lampshade (also with coffee splotches on it) _"Hey, bulb boy, was it something I did in another life?"_

Walking gingerly down the hallway and stopping when his sixth sense kicked in, Jack peered into the den and saw his treasured fair-haired child genius engrossed in an article on his laptop.

Pencil in mouth, glasses askew, glass of orange juice with an _enormous_ straw teetering precariously, Doctor Jackson appeared in deep investigation mode.

Something big was brewing and that little dust cloud puffed all around him.

Thinking carefully, deciding to ignore the look of zeal on the child's freckled face, praying it was just constipation, Jack continued on his way.

"Nothing that ever appears on that child's laptop," he explained to the glossy green philodendra on his left, "ever bode well for me."

Wincing with pain, Jack began peeling of his coffee stained pajama bottoms, lamenting how little the thin cotton had protected his personal bits from spilled coffee. Sighing, he tossed the pjs into the wash basket and slipped on a pair of much tougher _501's_. "Should have thought bright idea half an hour ago!" He grumbled.

Dressed and eager to attack the new day before it attacked him, Jack called out to the little maniac he was rearing to move his butt. "Turn of the computer, kiddo, and let's go out for brunch. I will buy you one weak Starbucks latte and a blueberry muffin if you _promise_ me that you will not badger, beg or manipulate that Jaffa moneylender into buying that goddamn python. Deal?"

It was a fair deal.

Racing out of the den at a break neck speed, skidding down the timber hallway on his white socked feet, Danny nodded happily. Cheekily agreeing to anything if it would get him that decent cup of coffee.

Standing on Jack's toes, butt sticking out, he raised his voice and arm simultaneously. "_**Sir, yes, sir**_." Falling about on the ground helpless with laughter, Daniel eventually sat up breathlessly huffing, "Whew! Did'cha get my joke?"

"Hilarious. Get ready and stop dribbling on your clothes."

Crossing his eyes at the unimpressed scowl on Jack's whiskery face, Daniel bounced to his feet and wiping the seat of his pants demanded clarification. "Coffee _and_ a muffin?"

"Is that not what I said? Shoo, go before I remember you spilled coffee all over me and smack your bottom for you."

"I guess the snake idea was lame, Jack. I have been doing some research and I have a far better idea! Wanna hear? Got your check book?"

"Oh, for the love of God, what now?" Gnawing at his thumbnail, Colonel O'Neill rattled his car keys in his pocket and whispered,'Thor, buddy, can you hear me? Now would be a good time to beam me away!"

"Wait and see, Jack! Boy, will this be a great surprise!"

Raising his arms up in the time honored tradition kids use to be picked up, Daniel gave his scowling parent a drool encrusted kiss.

Jack winked, warning, "Remember Doctor Doolittle, _no snakes_."

Opening the Ford's door one handed while juggling a squirming Daniel in the other, Jack, dumped the child into his booster seat, managing a hit to the head with the latest car book.

"Ouch, for crying out loud keep! Keep still Daniel, and put that encyclopedia down."

"Oops, did your head hit my book, again? Anyway, I'm sure you didn't mean it. So, wanna hear about our new pet?"

"Maybe, wait a bit, I may have concussion."

Showing Jack the six year old part of his personality, Daniel abandoned his encyclopedia for a joke book bought covertly by Teal'c. Carefully reading aloud some of the lamest pet jokes on the planet he constantly dissolved into fits of giggles.

"Jack, listen to this!_ A little boy walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest lisp."Excuthe me mither, do you keep widdle wabbits?_

_The Shopkeeper asks do you want a widdle white wabbit or a widdle thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit?_

_The little boy turns and saths real seriouth like...I don't think my pet python weally gives a thit!"_

Daniel, convulsing with laughter, dribbled and snorted through his nose.

Jack sat frozen faced with horror.

Huffing from the exertions of laughing hysterically, Daniel changed tracks again, and opened up the heavy book he dragged around for the last few hours. Carefully reading the marked page, finger under each word, he called out with triumph. "Ant farm, Jack, we are going to buy an ant farm!"

Driving to the mall while half-listening to his little scientist's lecture interlaced with the lisping words that had him busily translating, Jack laughed gently. Daniel had found a website that promised him coupons for some free ants, and he figured he'd be safe.

"Sounds like something I could afford."

See! Told you this was a great idea!"

Scratching his face and feeling the dry dribble from Daniel's kiss, Jack grinned and thought. "Ants? _Not in my pants - kiddo_."

But when did anything ever go smoothly for the O'Neill's?

TBc…


End file.
